Three Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills - When You Aren't a Good Listener

What's that you said?

I'm not a great listener. I'm sorry to admit that, but it's the truth. As a visionary, multi-tasker, fast-paced, creative person, I often miss the opportunity to truly engage deeply with others because my mind (and sometimes my mouth) are more likely to get active than my ears.

I hope there are others like me who feel the need to improve their listening skills. If so, listen up to these three tips on how to improve your listening skills when you aren't naturally good at it. (You great listeners out there can skip directly to the comments and tell us your pointers!)

Eliminate distractions. I may not be a deep listener, but I can pick up on a lot of stuff going on around me. While that can be a good skill (you need people on your team who can naturally sense the pulse of an organization), it can also cause me to get distracted. 

These days, we have made it even easier to be distracted with immediate access to email, texts, Facebook statuses, etc. Lately I've been making some changes to help eliminate distrations, These include turning off notifications for several items on my smartphone, dealing with work email when on work time and not giving out my work email address to any non-work-related contacts, listening to classical music when I am writing (I can't choose music with lyrics because that distracts me.) You can also reduce distractions visually by meeting with people in a private office and closing the door (a window is a good idea to maintain accountability with privacy--that's another subject.)

Practice. From time to time, put down the second or third task you are doing and simply engage in what is before you. Since social media became a big part of my life and business, I notice myself not even fully watching shows very often. Typically I'm scrolling through statuses or tweets while a TV show shows in the background. I need to reconsider how social media has reduced my attention span and practice taking in the conversation, play, movie, or whatever is before me.

Ask questions. Fight the urge to think about what you are going to say next. Instead, listen to what a person is saying and think of a question to ask them to draw out the facts or feelings even more. Examples include, "How did you feel after that?" "What happened next?"

Good listening is a wonderful skill but not everyone comes to it naturally. If you aren't one of the naturals, all is not lost. Improve by eliminating distractions, practicing and asking questions. Over time you will see improvement in how you engage with others.

Question: What do you do to help yourself listen more effectively?