Relational Assumptions

"Oh, it will be fine. She won't mind." Have you ever said that? Have you assumed that a friend would, for example, welcome another person to come along for lunch? That a coworker doesn't mind when you run ten minutes late regularly? Think again.

You have unique relationships with every individual in your life. You are close to some friends and co-workers, pleasant with others, and perhaps even at odds with others. Some of the challenges that can occur in relationships (at home, work and in the community) happen when assumptions are made. So keep the following in mind as you relate with others.

How would you describe this person’s personality? Some people have a "the more the merrier" attitude about life and it may be safe to assume they don't mind others joining in the fun. Try not to assume their willingness every time you make plans though. Other personalities are thrown off when plans are changed or unexpected guests arrive.

Have I been listening to them? Sometimes we get to know people well enough that we start tuning out their thoughts and feelings, thinking we already know how they will respond. However, they may be changing as they grow or face different circumstances. So always listen attentively.

Am I asking questions? Rather than assume, as in our example, that is okay to invite others to an activity to which you have been invited, why not just ask? "Would you mind if others joined us?" can help avoid assumptions and hard feelings.

Am I being flexible? Take a look at your own personality and tendencies. Do you want things a certain way and feel out of sorts when it doesn't go your way? We feel more strongly about certain things than we admit sometimes. I have had that happen. Often, there is no need to strongly react. If I do, and examine my heart, it may be from a place of pride or fear.

Avoiding assumptions goes a long way toward protecting relationships. Even if someone's behavior is predictable, never assume something more isn't going on in their lives. It is better to ask questions and communicate rather than make assumptions, even with people you know well.